My Tips For Future Mums

 

Just over 4 months into motherhood and I feel like I have been on the wildest, most ridiculous crash course of my life. No amount of study and preparation would've made this experience any easier. In fact, I thing in some aspects knowing more actually makes it worse.

I was one of those mums-to-be who spent a lot of pregnant time and energy figuring out what was going to happen when I went into labour. Discussing with my husband what we wanted that experience to look like, so long as there were no complications, and surrounding myself with the best support we could find. I remember just minutes after our little girl was born; I looked down, holding her in my arms and though "now what!?"

So much time and energy went into preparing for labour, I had no idea what to do next!
So here's my advice, based on my experience, for any future mums.

1. Say "yes, but". This has a lot to do with accepting help and asking for it if it isn't naturally occuring. For example: "can I hold the baby?" "yes, but please help me fold the washing first."... "can I cook you dinner?" "yes, but please hold the baby so I can have a shower"... "can I come over?" "yes, but please bring milk" or "yes, but not today" or my favourite "yes, but tomorrow and please bring milk"
2. All you need to do is feed the baby. You can sit naked on the bathroom floor, sobbing, surrounded by dirty nappies but so long as you have fed the baby everyone will be ok. I stressed myself out when my husband went back to work. He said this to me and it completely took the pressure off. Laundry, the dishes and vacuuming can wait. 
3. Try to leave the house once a day. Especially in the early days. It may seem like so much effort but it is worth it. Getting out and curing cabin fever also got our girl used to 'going with the flow' a little bit more (as much as a baby can do that). Yes, it takes some extra planning and no, I wouldn't be spending all day every day out but even going for a walk around the block is a good thing
4. Don't show the baby what a toy can do if they're not able to do it themselves. If you have a curious baby with a strong will (like mine!) this just leads to screaming because she wants it to light up again and you will have to sit there and make it happen over and over until she can learn to do it herself... which could be months. Trust me.
5. Look after yourself. There is a great parenting program called Circle of Security and it talks about "filling up your child's emotional cup" for them to be able to have the confidence to explore their world. You can't fill up someone else's cup when yours is empty, there's nothing left. Make sure you are doing what you need to do. Ask for help and take a time out once a day/ week/ month to fill your own cup. It might be as small as your daily shower or bigger and having a spa day once a month - whatever it takes, make it happen. 
6. Ignore everyone's advice. You've made it this far down the list and now I'll be frank; don't listen to anything that I've said. This is based on what I did and what worked for us (for now!) Do what you need to do, make it work for you and love your baby.